Equal Partnership between Men and Women in Families

By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. 


What is Meant by the Term Equality?

The Proclamation says, "Gender is an essential characteristic of individual pre-mortal, mortal and eternal identity and purpose." Think of all we believe to be true about the equality, both here and in Zion, of men and women in God's kingdom: equal in blessings; equal in power, intelligence, wisdom, dignity, respect, giving counsel, giving consent, agency, value, potential, authority, exalted fullness, virtue, spirituality, and spiritual gifts; equal in temporal things in Zion; and equal heirs with Christ. When we read this list, do we unconsciously redefine "equality" as "identity" and thus struggle with these concepts? If so, it is time to work on a personal definition of equal that eschews both intimations of identity or hierarchy. One gender does not have greater eternal possibility than the other.

Elder Earl C Tingey said:

You must not misunderstand what the Lord meant when Adam was told he was to have a helpmeet. A helpmeet is a companion suited to or equal to us. We walk side by side with a helpmeet, not one before or behind the other. A helpmeet results in an absolute equal partnership between a husband and a wife. Eve was to be equal to Adam as a husband and wife are to be equal to each other.

Equality and Love in Latter-day Saint Doctrine

There are relationships in which people come together not as superiors and inferiors with the hope that the inferiors might be made equal; there are relationships in which people are to come together as presumed equals. Spouses are to enter their marriage relationship convinced of each other's equality. They cannot form a relationship that will be blessed by God if they come to the marriage alter unsure of each other's equality, doubting it, or not even thinking about how it should order their relations.

Stewards in Equal Partnership

Family stewardships should be understood in terms of their responsibilities--obligations to one's spouse, not power over one's spouse. President Howard W. Hunter said, "The Lord intended that the wife be...a companion equal and necessary in full partnership...For a man to operate independent of or without regard to the feelings and counsel of his wife in governing the family is to exercise unrighteous dominion." A marriage reflecting the equality of the spouses is the ultimate traditional marriage.

Assessing Equal Partnership

As we recognize the importance of equality in marital relationships, it is useful to be able to assess the balance of power in relationships. When assessing equality in a marital relationship, scholars have differentiated between power processes and power outcomes. Power processes are the patterns of interaction among couples. Power outcomes refer to which spouse typically makes the final decision when there are differing opinions between the spouses. Use this assessment to evaluate where you are on the scale:


Power Processes Scale

1. My partner tends to discount my opinion. 
2. My partner does not listen to me. 
3. When I want to talk about a problem in our relationship, my partner often refuses to talk with me about it. 
4. My partner tends to dominate our conversations. 
5. When we do not agree on an issue, my partner tends to give me the cold shoulder. 
6. I do not feel free to express my opinion about issues in our relationship. 
7. My partner makes decisions that affect our family without talking to me first. 
8. My partner and I do not talk about our problems until we both agree on a solution. 
9. I feel like my partner tries to control me. 

Power Outcomes Scale

1. When it comes to money, my partner’s opinion usually wins out.
2. When it comes to children, my partner’s opinion usually wins out.
3. It often seems my partner can get away with things in our relationship that I can never get away with. 
4. I have no choice but to do what my partner wants. 
5. My partner has more influence in our relationship than I do.
6. When disagreements arise in our relationship, my partner’s opinion usually wins out.

Miller, R.B., Day, R., & Bogue, A. (2008, October). The development of a measure of couples relationship power. Poster presented at the annual conference of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, Memphis, TN.

From the textbook, Successful Marriages and Families, Hawkins, Alan J., Dollahite, David C., & Draper, Thomas W., 2012.