Honoring Marital Vows with Complete Fidelity

We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman lawfully wedded as husband and wife. 

The Prevalence of Marital Infidelity

Based on the best sources, the numbers of unfaithful spouses are much lower than the media portrays. According to research from the National Marriage Project, 21 percent of married men and 14 percent of married women in 2000 report ever being unfaithful to their spouse. Although these numbers represent far too many traumatized families, this research also indicates that this number has not increased over the past 20 years. T. W. Smith reports, "The best estimates are that about 3-4 percent of currently married people have a sexual partner besides their spouse in a given year. Another encouraging statistic is that during the past three decades, the percent of U.S. adults reporting that marital infidelity is "always wrong" has steadily increased from 63 percent of men and 73 percent of women in 1970 to 78 percent of men and 84 of women in 2000.

Types of Infidelity

Fantasy-characterized by having an emotional affair with someone who has no knowledge about what is taking place, or with someone who is anonymous, or will likely never be encountered in person or all three. This type of infidelity involves fantasizing romantically about someone other than a spouse. This can consist of imagining life with someone else or go as far as communicating through chat rooms, emails, or social networking site, Harold B. Lee taught that a:

thought is the father of an act. No man ever committed murder who did not first become angry. No one ever committed adultery without a preceding immoral thought. The thief did not steal except he first coveted that which was his neighbor's.

It is important to remember, "For as [a man] thinketh in his heart, so is he" Proverbs 23:7

Visual/Pornography-the most common type of unfaithfulness. This includes the physical aspect of self-stimulation while viewing pornography. President Kimball said,

There are those married people who permit their eyes to wander and their hearts to become vagrant, who think it is not improper to flirt a little, to share their hearts, and have desire for someone other than the wife or the husband. . . . Many acknowledge the vice of  physical adultery, but still rationalize that anything short of that heinous sin may not be condemned too harshly; however, the Lord has said many times: "Ye have heard that it was said by them of old times, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart" (Matthew 5:27-28). 

Romantic-when an individual becomes emotionally involved with a specific person other than his or her spouse. Elder Bruce C. Hafen and his wife suggest that Satan wants us to believe that every marriage should be like a Shakespearean love story, never asking us to imagine Romeo and Juliet dealing with household clutter, unpaid bills, and crying children. Initially infidelity can seem spontaneous, romantic, and thrilling. Over time, the exciting romantic target "ceases to be a stranger and routine becomes the enemy of spontaneity"

Sexual-when a person engages in sexual acts outside the bonds of marriage with or without emotional attachment. What begins as a fantasy or romantic affair can lead to physical infidelity. Veon Smith warned, "Infidelity is a subtle process. It does not begin with adultery; it begins with thoughts and attitudes. Each step to adultery is short, and each is easily taken; but once the process starts, it is difficult to stop."

Consequences of Infidelity

There are several consequences of infidelity. Spiritual impacts, traumatic impacts on the spouse who was cheated on, children of these couples are confused and disillusioned and may experience despair.

Preventing Marital Infidelity

Infidelity is easier to prevent than to remedy. In addition to working to strengthening our marriages, we can prevent affairs by being on guard and being fiercely loyal. Fiercely loyal can include being aware of Satan's "modern" subtlety, controlling our thoughts, and putting our spouse first.

Wise Walls for Preventing Infidelity

• Resist the desire to rescue an unhappy soul who pours their heart out to you. 
• Don’t share the most painful things of your soul with an attractive alternative. This develops deep levels of intimacy. 
• If a conversation makes light of marriage, respond with something positive about your own marriage. 
• Discuss marital issues with your spouse. Work on the problems at home. If you do need to talk to someone else about your marriage, be sure they are a friend of the marriage. 
• Don’t have lunch or take work breaks with same person all the time. 
• When you travel with a co-worker, meet in the public rooms. 
• If an old boyfriend or girlfriend is going to be at a class reunion, make sure you bring your spouse along. 
• Don’t have lunch alone with an old flame. 
• Don’t flirt with anyone other than your spouse. 
• Don't travel together with someone of the opposite sex when going to meeting for work, church, or in other circumstances.

Repairing Marriage after Infidelity

Steps to repair a marriage can be  hard but about 70 percent of couples stay together and attempt to work it out. 

Step 1-Rebuild Trust 

• Becoming accountable
• Establishing boundaries
• Rebuilding the trust bank account

Step 2-Gain Perspective

• Figure out how the infidelity came about
• Regain a "big picture" view of each other and their relationship
• Realize that one person is not responsible for the sins of another
• Refrain from making big decisions about the marriage right after an affair has occurred

Step 3-Repentance and Forgiveness

• Confession
• Forsaking sin
• Finding forgiveness
• Forgiving an unfaithful spouse

Step 4-Overcoming Addiction

• Addiction does not make a person bad
• Requires great change to take place
• Counseling by a professional trained in helping addicted people may be needed

Step 5-Making the Choice to Stay Together

• Healing the past
• Strengthening the present
• Enriching the future

The Proclamation to the World provides concise counsel to protect us from the spiritual and relational consequences of infidelity. There is safely and peace in following these commands. The children of the world are blessed and protected when they are "reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity.

From the textbook, Successful Marriages and Families, Hawkins, Alan J., Dollahite, David C., & Draper, Thomas W., 2012.